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When does it get better?
I don't want to be a downer but i don't know where else to turn. I've been visiting this site for a couple years and think maybe you guys can help me and i feel safe and at home here.
I've known that I am gay for the last 8 years of my 22 years on this earth. (I don't really see the social ideas of sexuality but i'll use gay, but i just love humans not genders or labels)
Even before that i knew i was different from all the other guys. I came out to my group of friends well i was drunk on saint patties days about 5 or 6 years back and everyone was fine with it.
I have had a accepting family and a great group of friends who are all accepting and respectful of my choices. They never physically attacked me or were verbally abusive, the people outside of my friends that tried to threaten and belittle me were taught a lesson and learned quickly i wouldn't take that shit from anyone.
I've learned that all that matters in life is how i feel about myself and not what people think about me. Even tho i have that outlook I still feel crushed under my life. I've done and said things that cause emotional pain. Ill be chilling then out of nowhere ill curl up into a ball and will not move for hours. At any time anything can bring up a flood of memories that destroy me mentally. It leaves me exhausted and depressed.
Day to day it isn't to bad, but collectively over the years my strength has wore down and i don't know if i can take it much longer.
I've reached the point where i just want to kill myself and end the pain. I've had this feeling for years but stayed alive for the people i know and the family I love. The thought of them being alive and saying "Why did he do it" keeps me from doing anything. The thought of their sadness only keeps me from my own sadness but only for so long.
Lately I've been having thoughts of death, images of hanging myself, me lighting my own inferno and thoughts of taking razors to my flesh. I haven't done any harm to myself yet, but i don't know how long that will last.
>>10892
Not sure I understand. The people around you seem accepting of your sexuality.
So what have you done exactly that makes you feel so bad about yourself? What does it have to do with your sexuality?
Also, you're going to get trolled posting things like that here, just ... fair warning.
Sounds like you might need to seek professional help and consider medication. This is nothing to be ashamed or afraid of.
If you tend to go through frequent lows like this, chances are good that it's as simple as a chemical imbalance of sorts in your brain (to put it simply).
The hard part is asking for help--seeing a doctor and telling them how you feel and what's been going on in your mind. The trick is getting over the insecurity and anxiety and just GETTING help.
Often, for many people, it's easier to just be depressed and sink into that dreadful low than it is to seek a better path--and trust me, there is a way better path.
Get your head sorted out first then consider your next steps. Take it gradually.
Also, noticeable results from medication won't be instant. My advice would be SSRIs (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors) which are the safest and most ideal.
Please consider it. Depression can be beaten if you're willing to suck it up and find help.
Anyway... Good luck and best wishes.
I'ma getting back to muh pr0nz nao.
Yep, you have to reach out and get some help. Trying to figure it out by yourself won't work.
Yeah dude, it sounds like you have a strong, supportive, and understanding support group, which is great! But it also sounds like you're clinically depressed, which is not so great. And I have bad news: It's probably going to get worse if you don't seek help. These things generally don't clear up on their own. So go see a doctor, and be open to medication. A lot of people, myself included, don't like the idea of psychiatric medication... but think of it this way, it's like a cast on a broken leg. It stabilizes you while you do what you need to do to heal and build the tools you need to deal with your issues. I waited too long to seek help myself (bi-polar) and after years of self-destructive behavior, only got help on the literal brink of suicide. Don't make my mistake, get help now.
If you don't have immediate access to healthcare, call around, you might be able to find a psychiatrist who has a reduced or sliding scale out-of-pocket rate. After a couple of appointments with them, you can start seeing a nurse practitioner for medication management (much cheaper.)
And immediately, if you don't have easy access to healthcare, I highly HIGHLY recommend commitment and acceptance therapy. Pick up a copy of "Get out of your mind and into your life" by Stephen Hayes. And do a chapter a day. Do the experiences. Some of them will be horrible and painful, but it works, trust me.
And finally, nudez pls.
"And do a chapter a day. Do the experiences."
experiences= exercises
hurp durp.
Buott?
Shitty cam is shitty.
How will your life get any better if you kill yourself ey?
>>10936yeah, the cam is shitty but bloody hell, the body isn't!
I had a difficult time some years ago and tried to sort it out myself. In the end - I won't go into boring details - it was pointed out to me that often we need a lifeline thrown to us. So, I accepted that lifeline and I was so glad that I did because it helped me see things that I would never have, could never have, seen on my own.
Anotha for yas